Team Triforce, Go!
by LittleBlueNayru
Summary: Based on Twilight Princess. A random oneshot. Link and Zelda fall in the final battle against Ganondorf. With no one left to stop the King of Evil, the Goddesses decide to intervene...


First fic, so be nice! My attempt at humor. Is it good?

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. Nintendo does. I get no profit from this. Got it?

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Team Triforce, Go!

Strike. Parry. Parry the counter parry. Strike again. Dodge. Roll. Strike. Once more.

This was all Link had known for a grueling amount of time. He did not know if it had been a half-hour or an hour, a day, week, or year, because time was meaningless when dueling with the King of Evil known to the world as Ganon.

Midna and Link had stormed Hyrule Castle. Ganondorf had possessed Zelda and injured Midna; Link had had a hard enough time then trying to survive, fighting one of his allies without the help of the second. Midna had finally released Zelda from Ganondorf's control via the Fused Shadows, but Ganondorf had tried to crush them once again in his dark beast Ganon form. Not even then had he bested the heroes, yet not even then had he died. Zelda had barely awoken, and then Midna had sacrificed herself to try and end Ganondorf's smoky-green "god" form. From Hyrule Field, Link and Zelda watched Hyrule Castle explode, watched Ganondorf emerge unscathed on the ominous horizon, watched him destroy Midna's helm. Link swore to avenge his friend if it killed him.

After an intense chase on horseback through half of Hyrule and across the Bridge of Eldin, the final showdown had begun. It seemed ages ago. Hatred, vengeance, the instinct to survive; these kept Link going, kept him fighting, kept him tied to life. Kept him dodging blow after blow with increasing fatigue and urgency as he tried to put an end to the Gerudo king.

After what seemed like eternity, the King of Evil and the Hero of Time broke apart, breathing heavily.

Suddenly, Ganondorf straightened. He cackled, "Finally! I will use my new ultimate attack! COOTIE BARRAGE!!"

Ganondorf blew a dark purple, smoochy kiss at Link.

The Hero of Time gripped his unmarked, unscathed, _unkissed_ chest, yelling, "The kisses! The cooties! The horrible gayness and wrongness of it all! IT BURNS!!!" With one final stumble, the Hero clutched at his heart tighter with his Triforce-marked hand and fell to the ground flat on his back, dead of heart failure due to epic brain error from overly dramatic reactions to stress. The Triforce of Courage faded from his hand.

As the golden barriers shattered, Zelda cried out in anguish, "LINK! NOOOO!! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKK!!!"

But Ganondorf was not done. "Cootie Barrage!"

The Princess of Destiny gripped the sides of her head, screaming, "The kisses! The cooties! The horrible pedophilia and wrongness of it all! IT BURNS!!! The Princess fell to her knees, still holding her head. She fell face first to the ground, then rolled onto her right side, curling up into a ball as she did so. Finally, she ceased to shake, dead of heart failure due to epic brain error from overly disturbing mental images.

The Triforce of Wisdom faded from her hand. Ganondorf laughed maniacally, ecstatic from his longed-for victory.

"Not so fast, Ganondorf!" a female's voice yelled.

"_Link_ is supposed to win!!" a second voice called in a somewhat whiny tone.

"You are going _DOWN_!!! shouted a third.

Ganondorf watched in confusion as three beams of light shot down from the heavens on the other side of the Eldin field.. "TEAM TRIFORCE, ASSSSEEEEMMMBBBLLLEEEEEEEE!!!" the third voice was yelling.

As the girl yelled, "assemble", their forms came into focus. The yelling one was front and center, and she stood pointing upwards in a dramatic pose, looking after her hand, upwards into the distance. Her skin was tanned, but lighter than a Gerudo's. However, she did share the flaming red hair of the tribe, which was long and tied back in a ponytail, ending about a third of the way down her back.

The girl on the redhead's left had her arms crossed over her chest, standing proudly, chin tilted upwards, gazing after her friend's pointed finger epically. She had long straight blue hair which was not tied back, ending about midway down her back.

The third girl, on the redhead's right, had green hair down to her shoulders that curled inwards at the ends. She had her hands on her hips, and was glaring after her friend's finger as well.

Ganondorf stood blinking, very confused. Then, the redhead balled her hand into a fist and punched into the air. "DIN!" she shouted.

The bluenette did a stupid karate pose with her hands as if she was preparing to do a chop. "NAYRU!!" she yelled.

"FARORE!!!" the greenhead yelled, balling her right hand into a fist in front of her chest.

"TEAM TRIFORCE, GO!" the three Goddesses shouted in unison, simultaneously putting their right hands on their hips, turning their left sides towards Ganondorf, and pointing at him with their left hands.

It was then that Ganondorf noticed what they were wearing.

Nothing. (I'M JUST KIDDING GOSH.)

The three goddesses wore superhero suits reminiscent of Superman's, but Din's was in shades of red, Nayru's in blues, and Farore's in various greens. Each wore knee-high boots in their respective color, along with matching spandex stockings and long-sleeved shirts in lighter shades than the boots. The goddesses' Pearl symbols were emblazoned across their chests (where Superman's symbol would have been) the same shade as the boots. Each wore fake underwear in the boots' shades on the outside, with little ruffly skirt things on the leg openings. And. They. Were. Wearing. Capes. Capes that matched their boots. The effect was quite horrible to behold.

Ganondorf stared from across the field at them, attempting to process the sight through his mind with much difficulty.

The goddesses stopped pointing and stood facing Ganondorf forward, revealing the full effect of the horrible getups, occasionally blinking or glancing at each other, confused.

At last, Ganondorf's brain block stopped and the image was processed and comprehended.

"The cheesiness! The child's comic-ness! The horrible stupidity and wrongness of it all! IT BURNS!!!" he shrieked - yes shrieked, in a rather high pitched tone – attempting to claw his eyes out. However, his big fat ugly gloves prevented this. And being immortal, he couldn't just _die_ of heart failure due traumatic-images-that-would-never-actually-happen-at-least-one-would-hope. So he turned around and ran right off the cliff into the Zora River gorge, screaming, "GERONIMO!!!!!" His boots, armor, and big fat body dragged him to the bottom of the deep rapids, where he died due to lack of oxygen. The Triforce of Power vanished from his hand.

On the field, the goddesses stood looking at the spot where Ganondorf had jumped. All was silent for a few awkward moments. After what seemed like an eternity, the goddesses slowly turned to one another. By unspoken agreement, they started to become beams of light again, preparing to travel back home to the heavens.

As their blinding figures became obscured by the light, Din could be heard saying, "I _knew_ this was a dumb, idea guys."

Far away, on Lanayru Field, a now-uncursed Midna stood up slowly.

"Zelda....? Link....? Anyone there...? ….Okay.... I'll just....be going now....."

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Author's Note: _I have nothing against homosexuality_, got it? I just had this idea one day when I was not paying attention in math, and it would not leave me alone. So I do not mean to offend anyone. So don't flame me. Are we clear?


End file.
